We can feel fine on the outside, but within us we are a completely different person. We are a mix of the people we once loved, and just a mere fraction of who we really are. I am a mix of those two things and I find it that is why I am complicated and different. That is why I stay awake at night deciphering my thoughts. I want to understand myself before I love anyone again. I want to be able to ask myself who I am and know the answer to that. There are days that everything seems like it’s flashing by without a notice. I hate these days, and I hate feeling this way but it’s the truth. It’s out here set in the world for you to read, and somehow that gives me peace.
That is the key to not stressing about life and love, it is to find a peace of mind. To find one thing that makes you want to keep going without limits and setbacks. The key to not letting other people’s lives own yours, and let you stress about insignificant things like if you’ll ever find “love” like that. That is non-sense, and that is absurd. You need to look around you and grab a hold of who you have in your life. Grab them, and hug them so tight till you feel like you’ll never find the feeling of home in anyone else. Please, just don’t let life pass you by without acknowledging them, I beg of you. Your phone can wait, the phone call from work can wait, but they should not. Love them, and don’t let them go because I’ve been there. My heart can sing a thousand songs about being there, and all it can say is, “I miss you.” Today, more than ever I am missing you. I am missing you with every tear, with every laugh, every beat, you are not here though and that is okay. I am okay, I know I will be.
It gives me peace that someone is reading this and feeling the same way. I do this for you, the ones who take your time to read my deep sorrowful words. These words that come from a sacred place of past pain, and love that I work to hide, but sometimes it feels nice to let it all out so I am free.