I spent some time alone today and I realized how much I enjoy being by myself. I went to the theatre by myself for the first time and it was so liberating. I took in every single detail about the film, and my day ended up being the opposite of how it started.
I realized that we don’t get forever, we only get one day. One day with 24 hours. That should be enough to fulfill our wildest dreams. Time isn’t ours, time is just time, and the world moves on with or without us, so what are we waiting for? Why do we sit here and wonder if we should do something or not in hopes that we get a sign from the universe telling us to go for it? If you want to kiss someone go do it, if you want to tell someone off for being annoying do it, If you want to start a youtube channel do it, who cares if you get rejected, if you are not liked, if you are teased for doing it, because YOU DO NOT GET ANOTHER LIFE. You cannot go back in time to change or fix things, you cannot wish they were a certain way. You can only make a L into a W, make your losses your biggest accomplishments by pushing yourself to try things you have never tried before. Risk yourself in order to be alive, in order to be inspired by ANYTHING in this beautiful life. I risked a lot in the past year, and it makes me smile every time I come back to it because it was me and not my heartbreak that made me who I am. I risked kissing someone first, I risked telling someone I loved them, and I did everything in a matter of a few months. Looking back I remember I kept so much track of time it stressed me out. I never understood the phrase, “live in the moment” until the greatest moments of my life were gone, until the person I thought I would be re-creating new moments with didn’t exist anymore. That was when time didn’t matter, and when I started living my life doing things as if it was my only day on this planet. That was when life became my pearl.
We think we have time to do it all. We say we do, we believe we do, but in fact this exact moment has already left. Moments flash by without us grasping them, and we don’t see them ever again, that is why living in the moment is important. Memories however, live on long after moments are gone, and that is one gift I will always thank God for. My memories. They are what keep me going when I feel sad, when I feel angry, when I feel misunderstood, my memories stand tall reassuring me that at many points in my life I have not felt that way. That there were points in my life where I had to hold my chest from how happy I was, and if I have felt that, I have felt a piece of what it means to be human.
Think of every day as a year, because in reality a day is a long time. In a day you think about millions of things, thousands of ideas and questions race through your head. In a day you can discover who you are, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what makes you want actually wake up for work or school. What is that thing, that one thing that makes life worth it. You can find it in a day, or you can find it in a year. But you won’t ever find it if you are not looking for it in the first place. Nothing that is never looked for, is ever found.
So, what if instead of having thousands of minutes and hours to live we only had a few? That is how I want to begin thinking, that is my goal when I begin a new day, because what are we really doing with our lives if we are not doing something we love to do?
I missed everyone in my life today, and I messaged them from wherever they were and told them I loved them, and why exactly I loved them with a purpose. That is something everyone should hear from you every once in a while, and what you need to hear for yourself to remind yourself how lucky you are to have those people in your life. So don’t rely on time to get you where you need to be, because time goes on without us. Take off your training wheels, take off the watch, stop looking at the calendar so often as you do and just live without time for a minute.
Today I felt happy for being alive, I felt happy watching a movie by myself, I felt happy I was seeing my friends in a few weeks, I felt happy that I have people who became miracles in my life, I was happy that I finally let go of the toxic people, I was content with time and where I am in time. Time is my best friend and my worst enemy, but today it was a good friend.