Losing someone is much more than suffering a loss. It is like waking up on the wrong side of the bed. It is all the uncomfortable moments in your life put into one day. It is the most unfamiliar feeling in the world, because you loose a piece of yourself. You loose that little bit of something that they added to your soul when you were with them. That bit of light, or their sarcastic humor that you can somehow replay in your head with their exact voice. It has been so long but you can still remember how their voice sounds, and that scares you, but it is okay. It is okay to feel like a piece of you is lost in the world somewhere, or you are not the same, because that is the truth. You can never be the same person you were before. You are changing, you are evolving, and you are finding yourself again without them. It may take weeks, or it may take years, but it is okay to feel like they take a part of you with them wherever they go. It is okay to not know who you are or what you want after them.
But why is it that it feels like we lose a part of ourselves? When you get close to someone they take your time, they take your energy, and you give and give because that’s what you are supposed to do. Give them what you would want to receive, see them for who they could be, motivate them for their accomplishments, and let them know what they can do to improve. In some relationships though it becomes only one person giving and the other only receiving. It becomes a one way street that you have become used to crossing alone and never meeting with them in the middle. You lose them, and you lose yourself. That’s when it takes time to let go, that’s when you find out that the person you want to believe is there maybe doesn’t exist. But you still love them for existing in your timeline. You love the parts of your life they brought to life. You remember the little things. The ones that reminded you why it is important to have people who make you happy in your life, the way they used to. You lose them, and it’s like loosing all those little parts of yourself, like the constellations in the night sky. One disconnects, and then all of them drift apart. Sometimes, it just is what it is. You will lose someone, and it will be like loosing a big part of yourself. A part of you that without them maybe wouldn’t have flourished. A part of you that you have somehow re-created to stay, because they did not.
You feel it as you order coffee at the shop you used to go with them, you feel it as you walk by yourself on a spring day, and it taints you. It consumes you whole, even when you are not thinking about it, and that is okay. It will take time, and it will be uncomfortable. Changing, and loosing someone is strange, like a routine that is suddenly broken. You don’t get to see them every week. You don’t get to hear about their day, or hear about their hardest days. Time freezes, time becomes non-existent for a while. You don’t get the small things anymore. They are no longer yours, and you are forced to let them go. You convince yourself that is the only way to move forward, that that is the only way to keep going. It’s going to feel like a pounds of rocks weighing you down, it is going to be feel very unfamiliar to you, but this is where the lessons begin. This is where you learn that it is not okay to stay in the same place. That if you do the same things, you get the same results. So you must move.
You must move through the hurt, and through the unfamiliar because it is where you find your greatest strength. It is where you find the most powerful weapon in life which is to start over. It might take longer than you anticipate, but know it can happen. You can start over as many times as you want to in your life, and not be worried about what anyone has to say. You can start over more than once, you make mistakes more than once, and start all over again. You really can, and that is the beauty of it all. Starting over is not the easiest thing to do, it is the bravest thing you can do.
We lose many people in this lifetime, but one person will always leave a print on you more than others ever have, and that is okay. That person somehow gave us a piece of ourselves, but also took it away at the same time and you may never understand why. It is okay to feel like a piece of you is missing when they are gone, because more than likely they also carry a missing piece of you with them.