Everything feels empty. Neither half full nor half empty, just non existing. Maybe it’s just the days going by quickly, or something else. I went to the beach alone yesterday and watched the sunset go down, as I prayed and asked God to heal me, and to let me be okay with not having some answers in this life. I do not need answers, I do not want answers, I just want to stop hurting. I want my heart to settle, and I am sure many people feel like this. I don’t want advice from anyone because I already know that I am the best advice I can give myself. You are your own advice. Eventually in this world, I believe there comes a time where we forget about the little things that made us hurt, but the pain is still there, only now it’s less. Regardless of the things happening in your life right now, I hope you get through it. I hope you find the good from the mess you are in, that you make amends with your heart, and you hear it calling out to save it.
You don’t always need answers from people in your past. You don’t need to know about them. You don’t ever get to know the truth about people in the past. If the things they said to you were real or not, doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t get a lot of things in this life, but you do get one life. One chance to breathe and run, and go for whatever it is that you want. You get one life, to replace good things with all the things you don’t get, and wished you could have. You get to feel broken to your knees, you get to cry your eyes out for no reason, you get to feel things raw, and real. Last week I poured out my eyes to my friend, and he told me that “I need to feel” That I need to take this time to appreciate how much I can feel when I am hurt, and to embrace the brokenness.” This made me so thankful to have people in my life who I can speak to, and who care about me. Everything does take time, time is an important factor to prioritize when it comes to being sad, unmotivated, and discouraged.
I need time. I need all the time in the world, and maybe that’s just what you need. Time to reflect, time to indulge, time to seek help for your hurting, time to relax and look at the things you will get done because you are a warrior. You fight, you fall, and you get back up. You ride a bicycle, (like me) on Venice beach and crash and fall on your ass, and it hurts, but what do you do? You dust the sand off, and get back on because there are people passing you as you get up and you need to catch up to your new friend Kristin. Through depression, through anxiety, you spin and spin. You can feel all these things, and still move forward. Still wake up, because with all the great things you have to accomplish you cannot afford to sleep. You can only afford to not stop trying, and to not stop wanting to reach your goals. The happiest people are the ones who have the darkest days, and choose to not make it their life. Get better, and get stronger, and give yourself time to heal. A message from me to you, and from me to myself.
Love is the way xoxoxo