The Guide to “Falling In Love”

“When you first fall in love it is a foreign entity in your flesh, like a new virus. You have nothing to compare the feeling to, nothing in your biology to fight it off. And it is so strong and so unknown and so overwhelming that finally you submit to the sickness. Because you are no match for its strength of conviction. Like an addiction, it tugs at your veins, convincing you you need it.  And you will never love like that ever again in your life. No, you won’t ever love like that again because now your body can detect love coming. Now your antibodies are armed. Now you have a point of reference.”

This is titled, “The Guide” in an ironic sense because in reality there is no guide. There is no book, no videos, no articles, no blog (yeah, not even this one) that can show you or tell you how to fall in love. I wish there was sometimes, believe me I do. It would save a lot of time, and heartache, but it would not give us the lessons in our lives that make us better people. You see, falling in love, or being “in love” doesn’t have a limitation, it doesn’t have a certain point and date where it’s ‘right’ for you to be in love, it just happens. You can’t plan to fall, similar to how you can’t plan to love somebody long after they are gone and out of your life. You don’t plan time when you love somebody, you cannot anticipate anything because love is unpredictable.

It’s kind of like when you text someone at the same time that they were about to text you, and you find it weird that another person could be thinking of messaging you, at the exact same time you are. That’s what falling in love is. It is just a time, where two people collide effortlessly, and though only one person might be feeling it, it doesn’t matter. It is where time does not feel rushed, where you do not care what people say about you feeling things too fast or slow, where you just want to exist next to someone, whether it be going shopping with them, or helping them with something they needed help with. Falling in love, is falling into a place where you are happy with or without them being around you because your love is enough. Falling in love comes easily when you fall in love with yourself first, because you know your worth, and you know you are entitled to feel whatever you feel.

I personally thought falling in love would never happen to me. I never thought about it, and some don’t understand it until they feel it. It is something that is sort of meta-physical, that only exists between time and space. It is an unprecedented surge of wonders, that doesn’t have to be understood to feel. That is all I can say, it just is.

However, what I want you to remember is that when you fall in love, or are ‘in love’ with somebody it is YOUR experience. The way you want to experience it will never be the way someone else does. It is not the way someone thinks you should love someone. It is not a competition of who does what first, or expecting something as a sign that they love you back.

It is how you feel, and what you feel about another person. It is when you let go of expectations, and just live. When you feel the moment, and breathe in. You let go of fear, you let go of the expectations holding you back, and risk it all over again, as many times as it has been. You only risk your heart being broken, when you decide to. Love is something we don’t all get to experience with someone else, so when there is a chance. Take it.

But, out of all of this know that falling in love can with someone happen in two seconds, or a week, or even a day. I believe those who say you should wait a month, or two months to feel any type of way are wrong. I have fallen in love in a week, and it is something I replay in my head, because maybe I won’t ever feel like that again. Maybe I will marry someone and not ever feel the same way, or maybe I will, and that is just the way life goes. That is why you must appreciate what you have to offer. How much you are capable of feeling for another human being. Work through your feelings, not against them.

What you feel is valid, what you feel is real, what you feel could be a feeling you will only get ONCE. The smile they make you carry as you walk, you may only feel ONCE. So embrace it. Don’t hide behind the short amount of time it’s been, or the thought that they are rules to falling in love, because there aren’t any. In fact, make up your own, and write your own guide to how you think it should go. Then I promise you, you will feel more at ease knowing that everything you do is up to you ONLY. Your pace, your time, your experience, can make it better. Don’t be afraid to fall, more than once.

Lately I have been in my feelings, and have been putting off writing because I am afraid of what will come out. It is okay to be scared of knowing how we feel inside, but it is the only way, and by only way I MEAN ONLY WAY, to know yourself. To know who you are outside, you need to spend time soul searching on the inside. The product of who we are on the outside is the reflection of how much we have worked on ourselves inside, which is why there is so much confusion in so many broken people, why there is emotional unavailability in both men and women. We don’t feel, so we don’t deal. That prevents us from falling, or forming a connection in general. And isn’t making human connections what life is all about?

That is why I write when I feel this way, so I can develop my sense of self-awareness. Right now I am happy with the person I am on the inside. I feel emotionally mature to know when dealing with my feelings is healthy for me, and when it is not necessary. I met someone who makes me happy, and though fears creep in, I accept my fears. I welcome them in, because they are my insecurities, and they are what keep me real. I invite them to help me discover how to be more confident, and how to not be scared of commitment in every aspect of my life. When you fear something, it only means you haven’t faced it enough to not be scared anymore. So take it head on, and rip your fears apart. That is my advice to myself, and to you too.

I am also learning what it means to fall in love slowly. To process what I want to see my relationship, and how I want to see it grow. I am taking life one step at the time instead of jumping now. I am walking, not running with this person and it feels great. I feel secure, and I feel harmonious with our relationship so far. It is what has helped me piece together the chaos in my life, and what God has brought to me for the time being. If he is reading this, I just want to tell him thank you. I appreciate you, very very much and you know it.


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