Do you ever stop to think in the middle of the day about where you'll be in five or ten years from now?
Why do we do this?
Is it to ensure ourselves that we have it all together? Is it to maintain ourselves on track of a perfect/ideal life?
I am being completely honest right now, when I say that I wish I was okay. Oh damn how I wish everything in my life was all together in place. But it's not. I'm not all together most of my days and months. I wake up every morning though, and despite the anxiety crawling up and down my insides I smile. I get up, and I tell myself, "you're doing the best that you can" that's all it really comes down to. Doing the best that we can, with what we have.
We control things in our life and they don't even unravel the way you pictured them ever. We try to make our lives a destination rather than a journey by planning every. waking. minute. If that has helped you and got you far in life, props to you, I congratulate you for finding a rhythm to keep you sane, but that does the opposite for me. Maybe it's because I've been disappointed when I plan? I've been so disappointed to the point where I am so optimistic that not planning events, life, and things will bring me to the best surprises of my life.
I didn't plan to meet ASAP Rocky on a Thursday night at a pizza shop
I didn't plan to write this blog post when I got off of work, I just started writing.
I didn't plan on falling in love with someone who changed me in so many ways
I didn't plan to go to a party and end up crashing a wedding
I didn't plan not be able to go to a four year college and then thanking God for placing me at a JCC
I didn't plan to become a writer on Thought Catalog
I don't plan, even though I do have goals I'd like to accomplish one day, I simply move with the motions instead of worrying about when every goal or event is going to happen.
Doing this only pushes you further away from yourself, and the reality is we don't know where we'll be regardless of how bullet proof your plan is. To anyone who knows me, I know I can be a pain in the ass with my "last minute" spontaneous plans, or my random phone calls planning a trip to San Diego four months from now. But, that's the way I learned to be happy. By not planning, not thinking about how it'll work out, when it'll happen, who will be there with me, and instead just letting it happen when the time is right.
I know that this sounds like hell to some hardcore planners out there, but the every-detail planning to me is literal HELL. It's like I'm being suffocated with no space to move, especially when there's so many questions being asked to me about the plans being made.
I compare this to life, and my goals in general and though it is a must that they have to be somewhat planned, I no longer live to make them run my life. I no longer let myself think that I need to live up to a certain image or expectation of people, because "they" do not decide what I wear. They do not pay my tuition, they do not pay my gas. Nobody but myself, deals with me and when I look at it that way, the less worrying I have, the less I stress myself out. So, if you happen to have a goal, a future in mind for yourself, go get it. Get up early, work at it from the AM to the PM, go through sleepless nights and trust in the process of reaching to the top. Just don't think you need to, because you don't need to be the best, you just need to be happy doing what makes you actually WANT to get up in the morning.
Set aside others expectations. Set aside your parents, grandparents, bosses, girlfriend/boyfriend's expectations and focus on yourself and what you really want in order to feel good. In order to love life and not be miserable. Same thing with love, don't have expectations with love. Love is a single entity of moments. Love is made up of a million tiny dancing moments with someone, someone you care about, and someone you don't get sick of seeing every minute.
Love is the only thing that shouldn't have expectations, because loving and caring for a another single soul is all that is expected.
So stop expecting anything to be perfect, and expecting for things to get better. Worry less, Pray MORE. Things don't get better, YOU get better. You get smarter, you get tougher, and you bet you get happier, because when you don't stop reinventing yourself this world is your PRIZE. God has a plan for you, he'll work for you, you just have to be willing to work for him by trusting in it.
Love you all, from the bottom of my heart. I write for the people who are reading this right now, and just know that when I think of giving up completely, I think of you. -girl with the sad eyes but good vibes