When You Are Battling Dreams Vs. Reality

“If you can think of a goal you want, and if you can see it unraveling in your mind as you visualize it, the next step is to bring it to life. Speak it into existence, feed it life so it can progress into reality, think of a dream as a person who you are one step closer to becoming, the more you start believing it is not as far as your mind makes it be” – H.C

As I write this, life is not a massive rock on my shoulder, as it usually seems to be. Mostly because of today, all the things I imagined and worked hard to make reality, happened.

Dreams can feel like they rarely take the form of reality, but when they do as J Cole says, “it’s a beautiful thing” and ever since I heard that song I envisioned them in front of me. I have sung the song “Apparently” by J Cole at the top of my lungs feeling every chord hit my chest as if I was on stage performing it with him. His music, his words, mimicking the goals that are so close to me I can almost taste them.

Every morning, I play either one of two CDs. The Warm-Up or 100.6 on the radio where God shows me he knows what I am feeling all the time, with every song that is playing. These two hand in hand, building the dream, stirring up the motivation to keep going…

When I could not any longer.

The thing is, dreams are a tricky thing. It took me a while to finally grab hold of how they work. You see, anyone can have an idea. Anyone can have a wish. There are millions of people thinking about a billion-dollar idea, but the real question is who’ll make something out of it? Who will get to it first? Dreams, and goals we want to achieve become much more complicated when we see them as actions, rather than thoughts. The famous saying, “actions are stronger than words”can just as well be replaced by “dreams becoming a reality are nothing more than actions, being talked about less.”

You must treat dreams like a person, that does not want to see you win. In the most non-pessimistic way, you are being placed in a hole nobody wants to see you get out of. At least not faster than they get out. Only then is it, that a goal takes the form of water. A dream becomes a kind of unattainable certainty that NEEDS to be rescued. That certainty is called; potential.

In a year, I have made my goals my allies. They have quickly become my enemies. I have been shaken and stirred from head to toe, from life trying to knock me down. Trying to stay ashore, as deadlines, breakdowns, and heartache strike me in the darkest times amidst school work and labor during this last year. The point is, I am not writing to depict the tiring process of getting to something you wanted to achieve, I am writing to you so you can place a balance on these two things: Dreams and Reality. Two separate words that might not come together so peacefully, if at all even.

Making things happen, is tough.

No, it’s gut-wrenching.

But you have to be willing to come undone. Come so undone, that you do not understand why you keep failing. Why you keep failing at something you work hard for, so you can GO harder. So you can work harder. So you can believe more so you can learn that once think you are done, you are only beginning. I got into my #1 top choice school, and still,

I am just getting started.

I am now in a full-circle of realizing my capabilities all along. The ability I want you to realize that you have, to pursue and have that dream that is unattainable. I applied to seven schools this past year, and though I was in my toughest defeat, I was accepted to 6 out of the seven so far, waiting for the last. God works in mysterious ways, and it is only that which sticks with me as I think of how far I have come, but how much farther I am about to go. Today as I rode in the car looking out of the window with Stephanie playing Majid Jordan, I checked my email and two blessings arose from the ashes I knew were never permanent.

My heart raced, similarly to when I thought I was in love with the love of my life. This feeling was so much better than that; I hadn’t really felt my life flash before me till right now. It raced like a week ago when I went out for a run in 65-degree windy weather and “Even If” played by MercyMe letting me make it all the way back home without stopping. It was euphoric. UC Davis, I am coming to you full-speed ahead, and I don’t care what it takes to get to you. This blog began with me devoting my stories of love and loss, but out of those things has come this, and out of those things will come much more, with God holding my hand as he has never stopped letting go. Through the times that for a second, I believe he did. 

So let go, and work for your dreams. They feel much better than any type of love besides what is in God’s hands for you. Know that

He holds your future too

if you just let him show you.

Quote of the week: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” Isaiah 43:2
My dreams are only starting, and within them, I will help others who dream of being healed.

4/20 – a real-life dream.